Interview With Glastonboring


Last weekend 177,000 immensely relevant and important people went to Glastonbury. You’ll probably have noticed them because they talked incessantly about the weather and the bland pop acts they were going to avoid for weeks beforehand, and will no doubt regale us with tales of how affirmingly life-changing Radiohead* were or how they got an insatiable boner for Mumford for weeks yet to come. As if this relentless referencing by peers wasn’t enough, the BBC also decided to showcase the beiger elements of the whole shindig – which was surely one of the worst line-ups in living memory (as confirmed by the fact that Elbow seemed to steal the spoils) – and haphazardly threw together some turgid coverage presented by wishy-washy radio presenters with the personalities of porridge and interviewing techniques gleaned from whatever amoeba is below plankton in life’s great pecking order. All-in-all it added up to a big bag of uninspiring indifference. But hey, all relevance is relative – right? Like that Tory MP who died in corporate hospitality (presumably he mistook relevance for privilege). He’s now more relevant than a Conservative politician could ever hope to be. And definitely more useful too.

Whilst these relevant people were swimming in said mud/average warmth/bright sunshine and revelling in their MOR importance, there were a squillion other people enjoying a completely irrelevant time across the country. These people’s lives were not covered by the blue button, the red button or the yellow button, nor did they complain about the weather or have the misfortune of being in the same postcode as U2, Wayne Rooney and Coldplay (where were Al Qaeda when we REALLY needed them?). In the interests of balanced journalism we felt it therefore necessary to tell you their irrelevant and completely ordinary stories via our usual preferred weapon of choice – photography.

Thanks to Daniel O’Dell, Sam Sherratt, Tiffany Parker-Smith, Roxy Hawkes, Layla Smethurst, Amy Lord, Sean Gledhill, Elly Oracle, Louise Maddox, Lisa Marie Thompson and Samuel Valdez Lopez for taking the time out from being irrelevant to take these photos for us.

*Radiohead are the non-thinking person’s relevant band of choice because they occasionally do relevant things like dress up shitty b-sides as ground-breaking albums and give them away for free therefore letting their relevant fans pretend they’re socking it to ‘the man’